Friday, March 26, 2010

A lovely day in the neighborhood

On my travels thru Blogatropia every morning, I often find lovely ideas to try....crafts, food, thoughts to ponder and my favorites are the funny posts that make me forget about things like cleaning (which makes ya ugly and I can't take too many more chances with that), fixing, laundry, responsibilities and such manner of foolishness.

I would start a list of humor inducers but then it would mean I have to do one of those link things and right now all I feel like doing is typing. But you funny ladies know who you are cuz I don't miss an opportunity to tell ya that I love ya. And some of you are hilarious and strange thinkers and my buds.

And then there are those of you who like myself, tend to step off into the deep water of what the hell and tell us about it, blow by blow. I love you best of all.

Recently, I let a know it all upset me. Okay so maybe that person does know a lot, but not all. When I worked with teenagers, a million years ago when dinosaurs roamed the earth and me and my mate Ugh, that's his name were sharing a cave.....nevermind. When I worked with the kids, they would say....and "we were all, he was all, or she was all". I used to tease them and say, now I know you can be some but you can't be all. They didn't laugh much. Only gave me one of those eat sh*t and die looks. You know how fun loving teenagers are as a group.

I have read heart ache, grief, frustration, pain, hurt, and old fashioned irk from some of you lovelies and never thought any different of you. As a matter of fact, I felt amazingly honored that you shared with me. I like real people. I like people who have hutzpah. I also have seen some of you quietly delete the rants and go on like nothing happened. Good for you.

I on the other hand am a nut case and had to apologize for my ugliness because I am so filled with guilt. I would say sorry for my sorry if it didn't make me look like a bigger idiot. I would have just left it alone were it not for being so overcome with life right now. I am not making an excuse for myself but I didn't really think that the loss of my Willow would have eaten my brain and warped my heart. I am feeling so lost without her. And I know it is not just her although I miss her sweet slobbery furbaby kisses but what she symbolized in my life. When my grandkids left here and moved to SC I had Mr. Murphy my other Saint and thought he needed a buddy cuz he and I both were at a loss without the grands. Willow was the sweetheart that filled both of our lives. Mr. Murphy loved her and doted on her like he had the grandkids. She had such a sweet nature and took all the bossing around he handed out. When I had to put him down less than two years ago (he had a deteriorating eye disease and had bit someone), he also was a young dog. Willow and I grieved for him.

Now in less than two years, I have neither of them and I am not handling it very well. I have shared with you before that I have no transportation during the week because Joe and Shelley need our cars to get to work, so that has left me here to face the empty house and all the memories. I know I need to get out of here and get on with healing. It's only been a week and I am putting alot of pressure on myself to be better right away for the family. It ain't happening. So excuse my edginess and weepiness and sorrow. I'll be back to being the bitchy shark monster I am at some point in time but I have lost all my steam.

I'm out here reading, appreciating all of you and letting the universe heal me but it's one of those give it to me now kinda things...no patience with myself or others. So to the know it alls of the world ...thhhhhhhh. That's me sticking my tongue out. How do you spell that sound anyway?

10 comments:

  1. Not going well at all, eh? Wish there was something we could do...

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  2. My heart goes out to you. I know how sad you are over your Willow. It's so hard to deal with the loss of a beloved fur baby.
    Mary

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  3. The tongue sticking sound spells out, "Plplplplplplplpl!!" Hope that made you laugh, my friend...sure did the job for me!!!

    Remember, ask what you want and need...don't me a martyr...you ain't the type anyway, plus, it get's all those little trolls off your back...so tell them, "plplplplpl!!"...shout it out!!

    Love ya, girlfriend,
    G

    Vert. word: login...nah, too easy!!

    "Hey Pancho, who you got there?" Oh Fernando, che my viega...but I'm tired of login her around!!

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  4. Hope things pick up for you soon. I know the feeling.

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  5. No one expects you to get over the loss of your Willow overnight or in a week or in a month. It's OK to grieve. It's OK to talk about it. We'll still like you.

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  6. Linda, you just go ahead and grieve, rant, rave, scream, make faces, kick stones, pull your hair, and whatever else makes you feel better for as long as you like!! How cruel of anyone to tell you otherwise.
    I, too, am sending a great big hug right now!!
    ♥ audrey

    word: agiess
    Agiess I better get busy with all the Saturday chores!

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  7. Wouldn't it be some poor, gray, heartless world if we all did things politically correctly and politely? Real people have real feelings and you just do whatever you have to. I understand!

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  8. Linda... been out the last week visiting the grandbabys... did me good to say the least... so sorry to hear about Willow... been thinking about getting a dog yet know with everyone gone that it will become my best friend... some of the worse grief I ever felt was when my black lab Daniel disappeared.. I was stopping everywhere and calling to dogs because I wanted them so to be him... My heart goes out to you dear... If I were closer I would pack you right up and bring you home with me for a spell... take care...

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  9. I feel you and you know why. Grief is very tricky. You just go on being you and if you need to rant, you go for it. Those of us who know you well will stick it out and those who don't, it's their loss. BIG HUGS and healing energy being sent your way.

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