Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Countdown to Halloween Day 18 or What are they gonna do to you when you are dead?

Yes, I still have cutesy Hallowoonie decorations to show you but I am taking a break from the pictorial today and sharing with you a thought.....and we all know I have lots of thoughts. As Ry would say, "it's time to run, Oma's thinking".

Today Magaly at Pagan Culture shared her thoughts and wishes to her loved ones upon her death. I think it is interesting that someone so young would have a voice to that. But knowing Magaly, I do understand the why and she is a smart cookie.

Giving voice to our wants and wishes are what we should incorporate into our daily lives and to our wishes about how we want folks to remember and celebrate our lives.

You all know I worked at a mausoleum, in a cemetery for several years. Had many encounters with distraught loved ones who didn't have a clue as to the wishes of their dearly departed. It was hard to watch them suffer at their lack of direction. Choices at a time when you can't possibly make an informed choice are heart breaking. But it is the nature of the beast in the funeral business because most of us frail human entities just refuse to face the inevitable...we are going to die someday. And someone else is going to have to "clean up our mess".

All it takes is telling someone what it is you want to happen to your remains. It's that simple but......many folks are fearful that it will jinx their living if they talk about their death.

My parents wanted to make sure that they got what they wanted. Well one of them did and the other....not so much. They bought crypts in the mausoleum where I worked. Picked out the exact ones they wanted. As a matter of insanity...my Dad was afraid of the dark and didn't want to be buried in the ground. He made sure he got a crypt near a electrical socket and asked me to put a light in his crypt. MMmmmkay. And........Hell no, I'm not kidding.

Then, they left their wishes with the funeral home. My Mom wanted to be cremated and to have a church service in her honor. My Dad wanted not to be cremated and a huge wailing, crying, ostentatious service in a church he had not attended for years. My Mom's friends all preceded her in death and so we had her service here at the house. It was small and lovely. Shelley and I sang her favorite hymns and neighbors and family shared their remembrances of her. My Dad's sister got involved in his care in his last few years and before I could get involved in the "doings" and details after his death, they had already cremated him. Oops. And instead of the huge service he wanted, nothing was observed, not even an obituary, but they did see fit to spend his money. For him, family was the most important thing....oh not his offspring, but his siblings, so in a very karmic way, he got his wishes.

As to my own wishes, I would like my ashes to be scattered in my beloved Sandias and for there to be a party not a funeral. Lots of chocolate, balloons not flowers, party hats and if someone is so moved, they can tell of my blatant insanity and whimsical f*^kery. That would be happy for me. But then ya never know.....the kids could just throw my ashes out with the trash and what?????? am I gonna be offended? I think not.

13 comments:

  1. I'm with you on the party thing. I want everyone to get together, eat, drink and be merry. Celebrate my life and talk shit about me. Tell funny stories of my assholishness then spread my ashes offshore of Asbury Park NJ.

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  2. I could care less what happens as I'll no longer have any worldly concerns. If it makes my family feel better to do something about my passing then let them do whatever they wish.

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  3. My father and I discussed his a few times before he lost his marbles...he might change his mind now, but it's too late for that...we have to go with what he said when he was thinking...right?

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  4. Hmm, I often wonder what will happen when I die. I have a sneaking suspicion that a lot of people may not notice my absence, but for those that do, I hope they have a jolly fine wake, and have a great time divvying up all my crafty crap :oD

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  5. people can make all the plans they want but unfortunately we have no control over it once we're dead. burn me up and toss me in the yard.

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  6. I love you for this post, And boy I needed you when my Dad died. Although it was nothing like the light socket...but I do agree that nobody can make a decision in such a chaotic time, so my plan is to be prepared...but are we ever...I don't know you got me thinking dear one. hugs to you.

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  7. I love a good Irish wake with whiskey and food and lots of stories...the good and the bad! Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

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  8. I wanna be shot out of a cannon into a gator pit.

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  9. Denny and I are donating our bodies to science, so they will be cremated and returned to our sons afterwards. The boys have already been told to handle the ashes however they wish, but instead of a service there is to be a gathering of friends and family with an open bar and lots of story telling and laughter.

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  10. Like I said before, I need to do some editing for next year; I'm removing the word funeral and calling it something else. Maybe Fiesta, why not?

    I feel bad about your dad. I wonder if he got his light... I know you harvest what you plant, but still, it's a terrible thing.

    And just for the record, I doubt Shelley, GK, Ry will throw your ashes in the thrash. I have the feeling they will end up in a nice potted plant, a garden, or maybe in your "beloved Sandias."

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  11. Linda, excellent post! My mom bought her coffin when she was 50. It's made out of all recycled wood and organic cotton interior. Beautiful. I picked it out with her! We both want people to have fun at our funerals. I would like people to dance at mine and laugh! Laughter is good for the soul ;o) Take Care My Friend ;o)

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  12. I'm with you, rock on, let the flowers grow. I have let all my family know that I want cremation and ashes strewn over my pet cemetery.

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  13. I could never in a million years see the day when Shelley, Sweet Man, GK or RY would EVER throw your ashes in the trash. What I can see is your every wish being brought to fruition.

    I am with you, my sweet kindred spirit. A party with ballons and (well I do love flowers so they are in) but not those funeral looking ones. I want large bouguets of whatever matches the season and I want my ashes spread all over the woodlands so I may return to the earth. No tears unless it is from laughing over my more insane moments or as you so beuatifully said "whimsical f*^kery." I LOVE THAT -LOL

    May we live with the same grace we choose to die in. Smooches to you!

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