Shelley and GK were invited to a wedding. It was being held at one of the big casinos at the northern tip of Albuquerque. The views from the place are so breathtaking. Very close to the foot of the Sandia Mountains. Wedding at 6pm and dinner to follow, sounded like a great evenings date for my two beauties. GK was very excited to be wearing heeled shoes and a strappy dress. So cute and 11. Momma Shelley doesn't get to dress up very often and when she does, like all girlie girls, it's a treat.
She said this morning that it was hard listening to all the "talk" of love and staying together. Momma said GK had some really strong emotions and they had to go out of the ceremony for a bit. But went back in and "troopered" through the rest and on to the reception. Where GK got to see adults being stupid when they have had too much to drink. Another experience that is foreign to the family experience here although she did see that when they lived in South Carolina.
As a kid I too had trigger moments and lived through them. Things that were unpleasant and made me grit my teeth. But I feel like those are part of the reason I am who I am. I believe that all of my experiences prepared me for something else that was to happen in my life. Now don't get me wrong, there are somethings I would gladly have skipped if given a chance but, I wouldn't have had the building block information for the next big project in life. So that when GK has her "moments", I try to let her see the good that may come out of them further down the road.
But I must admit that when I see in her eyes the pain of growing up, or knowledge of life, or hurt of experience of something less than pristine and pretty, I ache for the tender heart she is. But I have to keep reminding myself of a story that I heard many years ago.
There once was a young mother who loved her baby boy so much that she never let him go for want of anything. The baby was never wet or cold or hungry for more than an instant. Never left to cry for a second. Never crawled because the young mother carried him everywhere. And when the baby fought to get down to be free of his mother, she held on even tighter until one day she could no longer hold him because he was so big.
When she finally let him down to walk, neither of his legs was strong enough to hold him. He could not walk but fell. His bones were not strong and they broke. He had not experienced pain and could not stop crying. What a sorrow for mother and baby.
My daughter and her children all have cried, learned and are now ready to move on as whole beings, but I would have it not be as painful, if I could.