I have been absent from Blogger. I can't explain why, I just have. Instead my "me" time has been spent on Pinterest. Enjoying what others find meaningful, fun, entertaining. Adding to my files of stuff.
Pinterest has been compared to virtual hoarding. I would have to agree. I have also read that others have had to cease doing Pinterest because it causes them such anxiety from seeing things they once had, in a redone way and regretting not holding on to said "thing" so that they could do the redo to the "thing". Wow, that was a mouthful of illogical thought. But one unfortunately I "used to could" understand.
I find things on Pinterest I once had; toys, clothes, furnishings and it brings up a smile and a feeling of "oh yeah, I remember those, or that". I also have to admit that it is a bit like hoarding. I can put all the polka dotty things in the the world in my "what's red, white and gnome all over" file and enjoy going back and seeing it. Or I can go to "love us some donkeys" and see so many beautiful donks enjoying life. I also have files that affords me the opportunity to dream. So for me Pinterest is a positive. And also a mind numbing distraction and frankly, that isn't all so bad.
As to regret......well for some reason that is on many peoples minds and blogs as well. Regret is a terrible thing. And I was gifted by my upbringing with what I call my guilt bead necklace. If there was something that made me feel guilty, regretful, missing out, I'd pick up that sucker and put it on my necklace like the old pop bead style necklaces.
I just kept adding things. It was my style until I had an epiphany about 4 years ago. I realized that the things I was missing were only shadows of a real issue. I needed to forgive myself for things I had done wrong or missed out on and also to let myself off the hook for things that had never been my fault to begin with. It took me an entire year to get on down the road and rid myself of the necklace.
I felt ashamed, angry and hurt most of the time. I was defensive, curt, harsh and had ragged edges when it came to blame. I wanted things to be pure, rectified, cleansed, and set the record straight. And then I came to the spot in the road where I had to ask myself, "do you want to be right or do you want to be happy"?
Well the answer to that question is still up for debate from day to day. When it comes to myself....I will vote for happy and let the rest fall by the wayside. When it comes to those that I love.....there's more of a "get it right" for their sake attitude. When it comes to the world at large........I have no control but that doesn't mean I am not a participating member of a wider community of humans. And as such, I have responsibility to help when and where I can. There is where wisdom comes into play.....when I can, where I can. I can't let myself be swept away in fear and anger. I can't judge something based on someone else's point of view without further investigation on my part but I also don't have to dwell on the negative. That is what leads me down the path to blame and all those guilt charms just waiting to be picked up and popped on the necklace.
There are issues in every one's lives that bring them to sorrow. Everyone has their own set of hurts and pains. Mine are not any more important that anyone else, however they are mine and I feel them, therefore they are real to me. I cannot compare mine to anyone else and I cannot take from anothers set of woes. We are all allowed our own feelings. Or at least we should be. But don't diminish mine just because you've never stepped into my shoes. Or you fail to notice that I am, like you, a valid person.
That's a rather simple statement but I feel like I need to state that here, now.
And yet that is not the reason I have been absent. I just need(ed) time away. Time to give to me and mine. Time to regroup and dream new dreams with happier endings and less "beadwork".
Smooches and Squoozes, Oma Linda