Monday, May 6, 2013
I swore the last time was the last time but....................
GK and Ry are such precious little jewels in the crown of life. But then I am prejudice and proud. They also are tender, exposed souls. Both of these children have suffered such ugly things in their short lives. The least of which is their association with a particularly nasty bunch of evil blood relatives.
I said I would not fling insults on this blog again, the last time I did. And I must explain that this is the only way in which I can "communicate" with them. It is also the way to enlist you to send good healing thoughts and prayers for GK, Ry and my Shelley.
When GK, Ry and their Mom left South Carolina. They came with what they could pack into a U haul. All of the household furniture and items were left with Shelly's now ex, in the hopes that he would pack up all the rest and join them here in New Mexico. And I must say, they all did believe that he would join them. And then they hoped he would join them. And then it became apparent to them he would not.
He chose to stay with his girlfriend and mommy instead. And in my mind, I was sure that he had sold off the things so that he could to pay for rent etc because he wasn't working but I never shared that with any of them.
The children have asked when they would be getting "their things" from SC. It was ordered by the court and part of the divorce decree that he would send their things to them here in NM. But like many other things he was to do, that was not to be.
They have been here almost 4 years. Attending therapy for 3 1/2 years. Trying to move on down the road from the horror of their unbelievable ordeal at the hands of blood relatives. I say unbelievable and you all think I mean I can't believe that anyone would harm them......and that is true from my point of view. But what I mean really is that he chooses not believe and has let the children know he thinks they are liars. Now tell me my lovelies, why would children make up a story of sexual abuse? To garner sympathy? To not be able to sleep at night? To fear that the perpetrator would come and hurt them again? They came with their story....it did not happen here but there. I know why he doesn't believe them because he can't. A liar is the last to know what is true.
GK's birthday should have been a celebration of a young girl going into the teen years. It turned out to be a remembered betrayal of neglect, abuse and abandonment. Why? Because for the 4th time, he said he would send her something that she had left behind in SC. 1st it was lost in the mail, then it was returned to him, then he sent it out again, then he would send it soon, and lastly he sent it with her birthday card......which arrived in an envelope....nope, the desired, asked for, promised item which was way too big for an envelope, was not there.
My question has and always will be. When you lie and lie, do you not take note of what you have lied about? Do you not realize that the world is watching? Do you not know that you alone have destroyed any amount of trust that you had from those that listen to you? Do you not know that everyone but you is aware of what and who you are?
I had a shit for a father. He would lie when he could have just as easily told the truth. He purposefully hurt people just because it gave him a feeling of superiority and thought everyone else was stupid. He was cruel because he wasn't even careful about his lying.
I know what it feels like to not want to be the offspring of that kind of evil human animal. And yes, I do know that I lived that particular scenario so that I could be here with this knowledge to help my grands but I never wanted this for my grandchildren. I never wanted to see them cry because nothing that comes from him is anything but a lie. They are still young enough that they want it to be different and cannot come to grips with the truth of it. That's why they are in counseling. I don't say anything to them for fear of what I would say about him and realize that that too has become a problem. They don't want to make me hurt either so they bottle it up around me.
So we all cried for GK's birthday....together. To believe, to know that your father lies with every breath is to not trust him or yourself. To think that you come from nothing makes you .....question how you could be good. Yes, the grands know that they are loved, respected, held to accountability and cherished here.......and that they are safe, but it does not take this evil ugly burden away. If it were so, I would wave my wand and make it so. Trust me, believe me.....I would. I do not generally practice dark magic.....but I can.
It may seem inappropriate to post this on this blog where we have such joyful, fun filled times but I know that you love my grands too. That you want the very best for the grands, my lovelies, my friends, my strength. That means the world to me. Please hold them in your thoughts and prayers.