Sunday, August 25, 2013

Sunday Morning reflections........on guilt, blogging and No's

Deciding that I didn't have a lot to say on so many different blogs has made me think I have something to say. Now logic that for me if you will.

The decision to stick to just the one blog has made me very happy. Threw that bit of guilt for the other blogs being neglected away and now I have flashes of subjects, storytelling and consciousness flow going on. It is a remarkable thing letting go of what you cannot do and finding freedom. I was reminded of how I used to be before I kicked myself in the rear and got my head at least back on my neck.....not completely but you get it.

For many years I had pictured myself going about picking up guilt off the ground as though it were beads to be added to a necklace. And I was damn good at finding little bits of guilt lying around. I could be fine one minute and in the throws of a guilt overload the next. I felt responsible for....well just about everything around me and most everything else as well. And the necklace had grown so totally unmanageable and heavy that the real me just was swallowed by it. I said I'm sorry to everything and everyone.
photo by Leah Curtis
Then one day I was reading a piece of fiction and a particularly nasty character who was terribly conceited who said something about being the center of the universe and being able to create a guilty feeling in other peoples thoughts. "Hold the reins on the horse please"!!!!!! What?????? Who does that? Who allows that to happen? Who said that? A light bulb went off over my disjointed head. And it was at that point I realized that my guilt wasn't guilt at all. My invisible necklace that I tugged around was my own ego. Albeit misguided and strangely applied I was being egotistical when I claimed guilt for things I had no sway over. I never even thought I had an ego. I never felt boastful about any part of myself, quite the opposite. And yet, as clear as daylight, I knew that I was doing this guilt "trip" for my own purposes. It helped me avoid being really responsible for accepting what is.

That was several decades ago, but I still find myself falling into claiming responsibility for things when I know better. Old habits die hard.....or languish long but at least I know it now. Anyway, the point is that I feel better having only one little bloggy to herd and pamper.

Update on our first real No episode. As always, GK is only 13 chronologically, her mature nature took over and she was more than accepting of our decision in a relatively short amount of time. She and SM were laughing and having fun together last night as though nothing had happened. Even her counselor has said of her "sometimes I have to remind myself that GK is still an adolescent because she processes things like an adult". I find her remarkable because she has such a good head on her shoulders. Maybe a little envious of her as well.....I only wish I hadn't had to waste so much time learning things she already knows. Great Kid.

Hope your Sunday is guilt free, fun, full of all the good things we are supposed to be feeling and experiencing........Smooches and Squoozes, Oma Linda

16 comments:

  1. Aren't those lightbulb moments amazing insights? Glad GK has come around. She IS a great kid.

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  2. Your GK sounds a lot like my older son. He was born thinking more maturely that I do.

    Guilt is a difficult one for many of us to get past. It should be simple.. either make it right or accept the choice. If you can't make it right, then you need only to accept the choice. But yes, it lingers.

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  3. What a epiphany! I shall hold that closely because I think I have that same necklace.

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  4. I can relate to the letting go and then receiving almost instantaneous inspiration. It is true that we make room for what we need.

    Guilt....I have a weirdo relationship with guilt. I am on the other side of guilt. It's timely that you wrote this because I was just talking to my son about guilt yesterday. He held court with his friends telling them about how bad I guilt trip him and everyone else. He said I'm worse when I get people in the car and I'm driving because I know they have nowhere to go and are forced to ride in "the guilt mobile". Oy vay. After hearing this I immediately began defending myself with which ended up with an explanation of "but I do it out of love". Oy vay.

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  5. Sounds like you had a real light bulb moment. I hope it makes you destroy that necklace.
    I am so impressed with GK's acceptance of the "No." That is so unteenage and totally mature of her. Don't think you have any worries there at all.

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  6. Guilt is a gift that keeps on giving. I try to avoid doing anything that would require me to feel guilty. I'm not always successful.

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  7. I think you have hit the nail on the head, Eh - many people cannot "let go" and allow that nasty character "guilt" to suspend or keep them from doing so. I enjoyed this post and I do hope those of you that haven't "let go", do so and get on with one blog or "whatever" it is that keeps you where you are. I realize that I do not have to do a post every day or three times a week, but when I feel like I have something to share. My readers/followers are going to get wind of a new post and have grown to accept my erratic style of posting - sometimes and sometimes not and most definitely unpredictable. I couldn't even begin to imagine all the blogs you kept up - and in this place of "OldeBaggsNStuffedShirts", I eagerly await your next post. Have a great day from here in Atlantic Canada.

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  8. I wonder if you and I have carted around some of the same beads. Oh guilt. *sigh* Despite overcoming so many other things in my brain and heart numerous times, Guilt is the stickiest wicket of them all. You could have been writing about me up there; my heart hurts and I feel terrible about so many things that I honestly have no business doing so over. Using a plastic cup? Eco-guilt. Something terrible happened to someone? I'm-Perfectly-Fine-Guilt. My sister messed up her life again? Shoulda-set-a-better-example-guilt. Sad Puppies at the Pet Store? Wish-I-Could-Save-Them-All-Guilt. And yes, when I shut down my 2nd blog I had giving-up-on-something-guilt; albeit briefly.

    I know I heap these on to myself, wielding my own shovel to pile them on with and no one's putting them on me. But it's a hard one to overcome. I'm working on it, seems like I've been working on it for ages. Knowing that it can be overcome and that someone I love oh so much has done so, gives me hope that one day.. I'll be able to throw this necklace in the fire.

    Good on GK for being so level headed! Big hugs to her.

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  9. Yay, glad you all came through it so quickly!

    I suspect sometimes I should probably feel more guilt about some things, but c'est la vie!

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  10. I am so happy GK came around! She truly is a Great Kid! Throw that necklace off and never put it back on Oma Linda! You are a Great Kid too ;o) Big Hugs ;o)

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  11. I knew that little goddess in the making would not stay angry. How can such an advanced soul retain negativity for those she adores to her core for any length of time?

    Many years ago I had a beautiful therapist and she gave me a smooth green tinted stone. She said that every time I felt that guilt monster creeping up on me to rub the stone and say out loud, "I have nothing to feel guilty for." In time, that magical mantra took hold and made such a difference in my life. Of course, sometimes those old ghosts sneak back up, and when they do, I remember the stone and the truth. My love to all of your beautiful family sweetie. Mina

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  12. popped in from the Crones...first time here...I know what you mean about the blogs...I have two and can hardly keep up with them...I have written for a couple of our local papers for the past 20 years and its all I can do to keep up with THAT! But I quite like this one, will be a frequent flyer
    Sandi

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  13. Oh yeah, I over extend myself too, and I would think I should know better by now. I was just going through all my old blogs and over the past five years I've had nine!!! Way too many. I'm sticking with Birds Earthy Spirit and TLAM. That's more than enough for me. Sometimes far more. lol

    Guilt is an interesting thing. I fall prey to it now and then myself. I very much like how you saw it and how you came to understand it as ego. I had never thought of it that way. Totally enlightening. I love your insights. Thank you so much for them.

    Brightest blessings to you and your family,
    Bird

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  14. Your Great Kids ...are walking...talking ...lessons in resilience. You and they are so fortune to learn from each other...yes old lessons are difficult to lest go of...but in the end Love always WINS! Peace be with you all! Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

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  15. I was raised Catholic and one day I was in a conversation with a Protestant friend and made the comment of guilt being a Catholic thing. She commented to me that Catholics do not hold a monopoly on quilt. Women get it many ways. When I was raising my 6 children and working full time as an RN I never had time to even think what I was doing or even why. At retirement I was age 70. I was so tired and beaten down I did not think I could survive many more years. I went on a retreat that explained God does not want us to feel such aimless guilt. Righteous guilt yes but from the ego no. Wise woman you are and thanks for sharing. Bless your daughter and your family.
    QMM

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  16. "Guilt ferrets are bastards." And I shot mine in the head when I was about GK's age. A brutal, I know, but if you don't squash the uglies, they'll sure squash you.

    I think GK, like me, knows a great deal of stuff because she is blessed with the ability of having a great woman to look up to.

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