Friday, October 4, 2013

New Moon thoughts...........

Yesterday I had a lapse in my Pollyana and posted a meh, meh on facebook. As soon as I had posted said lapse, I closed my laptop and had a good talk with myself.

As I get older I have come to realize it is okay to say what you mean, so long as you mean what you say. Sounds easy I know but if you think about it....we spend a lot of time saying what folks want to hear not what we really feel. I learned that at an early age..... No not lying, just keeping the peace. In the family to which I was born, it was a battle strategy, not just a nicety. It was the house rules kinda thing.

My Mother being from "the south" and being from the era she was, always expected certain behavior and everyone suffered if her expectation was not met. She was as hard a nails, sharp as a tack and had a razor tipped tongue (notice the metal analogies) and could "bless your heart" quicker than anyone else I ever met (which by the way isn't always a good thing). You never ever wanted to be on Fran's bad side. Hell, the good side was scarey enough. Only a fool ran to the dark side with or without scissors in hand ya'll.

Be that as it may. I heard my Mother say to me on more than one occasion, "don't be ugly Linda Sybil", which means keep quiet about your feelings, our family business or what is going on and usually led to either a tirade concerning my inappropriateness or a trip to find a switch for my insolent behavior. And yesterday I could almost hear her admonishing me to go find a switch after I had dare to share my inner most thoughts. That just isn't done in polite society.

Well I had shared a meh, meh. I was being visited by the depression goblin and she had brought the whole tribe with her to scratch out my logic with self loathing. I just felt so............lost. And when I went back to turn off my laptop last night, my intention was to delete my comment so as not to "embarrass" myself further. Instead I was met with such lovely admonishments of love and understanding. I was humbled by open, caring people who let me just be me.

I had hoped, when I was diagnosed with depression, many moons ago, that by the time I reached my age (older than dirt) that I would have developed some stragtegies to ....... not go there. But alas, it is what it is. If you refuse to take the mood altering meds then you need to accept the fun of the roller coaster ride. I do take herbals, exercise, meditate and still act like Fran is on my shoulder telling me I can do better and keep quiet....unfortunately. Yesterday was a blessed day because through the fog of my old pal self loathing, I saw bright shining loving words that helped this olde broad heft herself out of the pit.

So here's to all the pit dwellers, I send you my love and hopes for bright shining love for everyone. Today will most certainly be a better one.

Happy New Moon my lovelies,
gotta fly, Oma Linda

11 comments:

  1. I'm glad that your FB friends gave you wings.

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  2. I am glad you met with such love to your meh,meh on FB. I'd check it out but I don't do Facebook, not even my family. FB just wants too much information to join the club.
    I do hope it helped to unload and that you are feeling much more positive.

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  3. Glad to hear that your emotion train is back on the tracks. I don't suffer from depression but I know a few people who do and "snapping out of it" isn't as easy as people think. Take care and enjoy the weekend.

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  4. Life is roller coaster enough without having to deal with that.

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  5. One of my Grandma's favorite sayings was, "El que no llora no mama." Literally, "The one who doesn't cry doesn't get to suck."

    Sometimes we need to cry loud and ugly, so that our friends can hear us and feed us some feel-good-you're-loved.

    Hugs and glittery kisses ;-)

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  6. I'm glad you were able to express yourself and take comfort from the responses. True that it is what it is. And you made me smile with the term "meh meh."

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  7. You are awesome my friend!
    Happy you could share your feelings with us:)

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  8. I feel when one is able to "let it all out" there - in the bare field, for everyone to see, almost immediately you feel better, for what was making you suffer or weigh you down has gone and then there is the gentle understanding, a hand on the shoulder, a hug from a friend, a shared cuppa tea, a sigh, you pick yourself up and start another day - happy day to you Linda :)

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  9. Sending you lots of love, smiles and big hugs, always!! xoxoxoxo You're a fantastic person Oma Linda!

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  10. Glad to hear you're no longer mired in that pit. Sometimes I'm a bit too honest, and have more than once had my various bosses saying 'OMG, you just can't *say* that!' Normally just after I've told the truth about how shit something's going, funnily enough...

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