I have read so many things about steroids and the whole mess you up thing that is to happen when you take these drugs, but up until my recent introduction, I had very little experience with them. Now that I must use these nasties.......I understand the craziness that they do induce.
I can go from 0 to ten thousand on the anger scale in a nano second. But I have come to realize that the anger isn't really real. It is a side effect of the drug.
The problem is, that others in my life who have experienced my already crazy mood swings don't have the same insight and when I have tried to explain this to them.....well they just chalk it up to yet another crazy component to my new reality. They do so well at understanding.
I've begun cleaning out the corners of my mind and heart. Nasty spaces some, inhabited by decade old junk and flotsam. Time to through out the baby with the bathwater and move on towards doing what is important and useful rather than raking muck.
I also am using other drugs that have given me "better" insights. Ah, I could even wax poetic and say they have given me keys to the inner workings of my mind. I have, while drifting off to sleep, written many, many essays and stories on subjects that range far and wide. I've jotted the essence of the thoughts down on a notebook next to the bed but by the morning light, the chicken scratching gives me no clue as to my brilliance I stumbled upon in the dark time before.
I've been very weak, and very strong at the same time. It will take me a little while to regain my strength and get back to the beginning again. But in the meantime.....it should be a fun read for you.
I will try, when I can, to come back and check on each of your blogs and give you an update on my state of being.
So there, now you've been warned.