Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Sometimes reality is scarier than fiction.............

Take for example the emotions of a 10 year old boy.

Better yet the emotions and behaviors of a wonderful, sweet, caring, 10 year old boy on the autism spectrum.


This darling boy sometimes is afraid of things that I don't understand, if I hadn't seen what disturbs him; bugs, textures, noises and tastes, just by looking at his angelic face, I wouldn't ever be able to see how troubled his waters truly are.  My education is ongoing daily, living life with Ry is never dull.

Now we need to add into this equation, feelings, hurts and the past.

With the addition of this element I can begin to explain how our "inside, outside, upside down thinker" went from, being bothered by having homework and that's about it, to a fear struck youngster who was no longer able to control his behaviors. Stemming, scripting, crying, and hateful outbursts were on the menu within a matter of hours. He got in trouble at school for being (out of character for him) a meanie.

All this because he was asked to think about doing the unthinkable for him, talk to his father. It scared the crap out of him and he felt trapped in the here and now.


We had tried to ease him into that situation so that we could quiet the demands being made. His sister, the great and powerful GK, managed to not only talk to her father but also voice questions and her views, and quite frankly, I as a 65 year old am not sure I could have had the guts to ask or say half of what she did. She was a rock star. She felt better having gotten it off her chest, over with and is sure she doesn't want to do it again. She tried to encourage her brother, told him she would hold his hand and we all thought he was on board to doing so in the near future, when he said he was ready to do so. Oh gawd were we way wrong.

It preyed on his mind, so much more than we ever could have imagined, his emotions and his spirit and he had a monumental melt down at school the next day. And after all the negative incidents with children being hurt at school, we can't blame the school for being careful. His therapist says that he will come back up to where he was when he is ready. But in the mean time, our Ry has suffered a huge set back and we are responsible for even allowing him to contemplate having to do what he obviously cannot do.

This happens every time he is faced with this situation. We had hoped that Ry had matured and worked enough of his stuff out so that, yes he would be affected, but like his sister, he might gain more than it would cost him in the long run. We do realize how mistaken we were.

We will simply continue to love, protect and nurture the sweet little critter. He doesn't deserve to live in fear or with something this destructive hanging over him.


Damn I hate having to tell you all this because I know how much you care for him and his well being. It was a lapse in our defense against the dark hearts.

I need to let you know that all of this happened about 2 weeks ago. Ry has been home from school for the last week because he goes to a year round school and this is one of his two 2 1/2 weeks breaks. The break has been excellent for him. We have all had such a good time with him. Trying to make him feel better about himself and the choices that he made in response to a situation. Don't think we let him get away with being a "patoot". We don't. He made his amends for his ugly actions at school and then we moved on with a new clean slate.

The photos in this blog were from an outing to the corn maze taken this last weekend. No trace of the storm in Ry's eyes in these photos and for that I am forever grateful.

Thanks lovelies, Smooches and Squoozes, Oma Linda and the rest of the Cuckoos.

21 comments:

  1. It's hard to know what to say, but my heart goes out to all of you. I can only imagine the difficulties you face, and I wish you only the best in moving forward.

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  2. I'm so sorry for the heartache, the set backs and most of all for the pain and fear that these children have had to live with. Especially a sensitive soul like, Ry. My heart goes out to him and to all of you who love him. I'm glad to see the smile reaching his eyes in these photos.

    As to those others... *spits*

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  3. A difficult time for all concerned, especially poor Ry. I hope he finds his equilibrium returns quickly and life becomes better again.

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  4. Oh, my. It is always painful when we can't fix everything.

    I see a happy guy here with the whole world in front of him. Anything is possible, Ry. Make a wish!!!

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  5. You are a marvel Oma, and so is GK - you worked through this and it will all settle down. The set backs are the most feared and awkwardly hard to come back from. Ry is very sensitive and always will be - you an GK have done what you can and should and I marvel at both of you. It gives my heart great pleasure to see the smiles above after such fearful thoughts in his young mind. You have learned that there are some things that he cannot handle and behavior will spiral out of control - you've learned and your moving on. I applaud you and GK now and in the future for all that you will do and the love you show for each other.

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  6. Yay for GK! Such a strong spirit for one so young.

    I can't imagine Ry's world but I know he has the best family for helping him work through his pain. The photos above are a testament to that. Hugs all around.

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  7. I so feel your pain...the feeling of wretchedness at our apparent failure to see things before they hurt our precious warriors burns too deep for others to understand. The truth is we can never know exactly what will spark his(your Ry, my Zac) fear. As they mature they learn to hide it from us...they don't want us to be upset...they try to be "normal". When his teachers ask "how do you deal with this behaviour at home?" I simply say I don't. School is a minefield of emotional situations for a child(even without autism). With the added "panic" reaction they become overwhelmed very quickly. I just always try to keep in my mind that they will always carry that "panic" inside them. Just because they appear to be coping better, does not mean they ARE better. BiG hugs to you and Ry...and if he is never ready to talk to his dad...that's his dad's loss. XXX

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  8. OK, so, what the hell? Whose idea was this talking to their father because I know you have gone to extremes to keep him away and out of their lives. good for GK to be able to express her feelings. curious about how the ass responded.

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  9. There are no manuals to help guide you through those waters. I'm thinking nothing but good thoughts for Ry.

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  10. I as well am learning how to be a good Nana to my grandson, and his special understanding of this world! My daughter is on her own far from me, and I admire her beyond words? She does battle with the school board, school and the sperm donor. I love how my grandson talks non stop to me ( FaceTime) He is teaching me to listen!
    Huge hugs! see ...your not alone... xoDebi

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  11. I can't begin to imagine what you must go through daily with no manual. What Ry has to experience is just scary. GK is a true sister and a total heroine as are you,his mom and SM. Ry could not be in a better place. He is so loved.

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  12. When I look at these pictures, all I see is a Top Frog! He is so lucky to have all of you to help him through the cloudy spots. Hang in there, Oma, three steps forward and one back. I hope the "yucklies" will get bored soon and leave you in peace!

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  13. With the continued love & support at the unique cuckoos nest, things will work out in the long run, poor Ry & poor all who care for that sweet boy, looks like that was too big for him at this time but how awesome of GK to throw some negative stuff out of her life & back at the sperm donor ;) she knows family is much more than biological. Hey my old friend and a beautiful soul from school that I keep in touch with (although we haven't seen each other for over 30 years) is a very caring social worker & also has an Asperger son among her brood of 5 boys (now aged from 22-32) & she put a link (sort of serendipity I guess) on her Facebook page today, I went & checked it out, maybe have a look see(?) has age/reactions/suggestions breakdown, you can customise it a bit too... Hey HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!! I will put out lollies & some fake (rather than our real) spiders if anyone bothers to climb our driveway, but after work I'm making sandwiches & buying a bottle of bubbly & dropping in on an old friend who turns 80 today, I am getting my Big F to drive so I can help my old mate drink it ;)

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  14. Oh... https://www.understood.org/en :)

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  15. I'm so sorry for this setback and the fears it has awakened in that beautiful child. I love the bravery of his sister and that protective hand on his shoulder. They are beautiful kidlets. He'll get through it. He has a lot of love in his corner.

    Hugs to you.

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  16. Ry is always in my prayers. GK, too (usually telling me, "See? I am goddess." but that's a different post). I pray that the children's father would put aside himself and realize that loving a child sometimes means letting go, at least for a while. I pray that he acknowledges the difficulties he creates in the life of a child that already deals with too many overwhelming stimuli. I will never understand a parent who doesn't put a child first. I just don't.

    You give Ry an extra huge hug. This too shall past. And deep in his heart of hearts, I hope with all my soul that he knows this. Being a child and seeing that a grown up who is supposed to protect you hurts you instead is not easy... no one should have to go through it. No one.

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  17. I never knew. My son, 15, is on the spectrum as well. I understand how anxiety can make a normally sweet and caring child into a raging tiger. My daughter sometimes says her brother reminds her of the character of Angel on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And most days, the good ones, he is an angel. It's anxiety bringing out the Angelous you gotta watch for. But I can see he is surrounded by folks who love him and will work out the storms when they come. *hugs* I'll keep you in my prayers.

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  18. Add some gentle hugs from me and let him know there is love winging it his way from Wisconsin. Tell him he must share with all the Cuckoos.

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  19. From someone who had her own meltdown last Friday, sometimes you just have to let it go (((((HUGS))))) to Ry

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  20. Never a dull moment is there with Ry! I have my 23 year old Down's son, who is quite capable, but then again, at times, not quite capable of caring for himself. He still needs that attention from others to keep him 'on board' and the stubborness can come at anytime, especially in grocery stores, where he is always saying, 'Let's Go Mom! Now!' He loves people, but crowds sometimes bother him more than he realizes. My married daughter's career took her down the road of one-on-one special needs children. So, I know the road you are on with Ry. God bless him and God bless all of you for your perseverance in protecting him and others. I know it's not easy, and no two days are ever alike.
    Blessings to you!
    Teresa in California
    http://amagicalwhimsy.blogspot.com/

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  21. Give Ry a big hug from me! Poor guy!! Sending him a white light of love, always!!!

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