I reported to you on my fun and games fungal extravaganza. The skin Dr. got it wrong in early December by prescribing some ointment ($500.00) and some athlete's foot powder. The ER Dr got it wrong when my body added some spots about the size of a quarter over 50% of my upper torso and he prescribed nystatin which is for yeast. The skin Dr. read me the riot act when I went back the end of December saying that if I wasn't going to follow his directions.....and that's when he lost me and I lost my temper. No, not Oma! I can only suffer fools, a Dr treating me like I'm addled brained and irritating rash and burning itch for just so long (from the middle of November to be precise). Then the temper of the Irish/Mexican in me just blows like Old Faithful in Yellowstone. Loud, heated, fast and messy.
probably caused by the stress of the primary fungal infestation
All of this mini rant brings me to a very late but very important declaration. I have a word for the year 2015. This word picked me out of the lineup. Usually I do the picking of a watch word for the year. But this year, I pondered so many avenues of improvement, ways of becoming a better person, things I wanted to accomplish and none of the words that fit that bill...........picked me. Instead acceptance just came into view and settled in my heart and mind.
Acceptance, not acquiescence. Let us be clear about that slight difference. I will accept what is possible, attainable and appropriate. I will accept that I have talents, flaws and life skills that can be improved, but are acceptable none the less. I will allow myself to be..........acceptable, good enough, deserving. I also will accept others for who they are.
I know, it sound egocentric to a certain degree but that's okay for someone who for the better part of 40 years has put herself last. My first 25 were very egocentric as they should have been. I am going to claim that I am acceptable enough to have "firsts" sometimes. The biggest, best and prettiest sometimes. And not pick up any guilt from those actions. I am hoping that by giving up the old behavior of self denial and thinking I am not deserving, I will find a new way to see myself and those that love me. I deserve it and so do they.
And I suppose if I am going to be fair, don't you hate it when life demands a pound of flesh (so to speak) that I owe this word discovery to all those folks who have ever made me mad, suffered my ire and irked my chicken. Because in the past I would always feel terrible, guilty and self loathing.....but with my new word I am letting go of those ancient ickies that formed my well of anger and only deal in the now. And I don't feel the least bit guilty or bad now when I speak the truth in controlled auditory levels. Amazing stuff clarity!
GK hums the theme from Frozen to me (Let It Go) when I start to falter and Ry has put himself in charge of doling out my daily dose of positive affirmations. What a sweet, riotous mess he is. Some of his affirmations have been more of a peek into the mind of a 10 year old with a skewed perspective on life. He told me, "I make him as happy as getting to the last level of Mindcraft". And that I am, "As tricky as level 3". (Whatever all that means, I know it is a compliment.)
So stand back negative feelings...........Ry has put the Mindcraft juju on you. Tee hee
Have a wonderful self accepting day my lovelies. Let the past just be that.......past.
Smooches and Squoozes, Oma Linda