Just wondering. I wouldn't want to be accused of not minding my P's and Q's, ya know. After all, I wouldn't want Ms. Manners to swoop down and call off said party because I don't know the correct procedure in hosting a pity party. My Momma would be appalled and probably take to her bed from the vapors if I didn't know proper etiquette.
Oh well, I'm gonna go out on a limb and just wing it here.
Pneumonia and other maladies be damned, I've got a new best friend by way of physical (or it could be psychological) condition. I'm being visited by my new friend, panic attack and debilitating headache. I'm way too old for this disorder or at least that's what I keep saying over and over as I am doing the deep breathing exercises. Why, one might ask am I panicked? Beats me. No it's not an offer or request.
I do have a sneaking suspicion that it came to be my new worst enemy when I went to get a massage and the woman said she was going to "help" me. Her idea of help and mine were miles apart. I wanted her to work on my tight muscles, she wanted to open me up to let go of whatever it was she thought she sensed in me. Arrogance on her part was only exceeded by ignorance as far as I can tell. She is a do gooder at heart (says she). And felt like she was being called to do what she did. I didn't ask her for that kind of massage or aura work or anything else woo woo. If I had wanted that kind of cleansing or release therapy, I would have requested it.
Yes, she got some stuff churning around but where was she for the week I was in terror and I felt like I was drowning, I couldn't breathe or eat or sleep? Off screwing someone else up, I suppose. I feel like she violated not only my trust but also used me without my permission. And yes, I did say that to her. To which she just tsk, tsked me and said, you will be so glad when you let all that out, dear (like I'm some doddering old fool).
Listen here meddler into my life. I have worked hard to let go of things I am sure that she could not imagine. I have carefully honed the skill of stuffing crap into minuet spaces and not letting them see the light of day. How dare she open up wounds that have scabs older than her? In what reality is it okay to mess with me and leave me to drown, wallow and suffer in it. I've seen regular therapists, counselors, shaman, brujas, culanderas, regression therapists and I do meditation and am constantly working on my own personal protection. In waltzes this born to0 late to be a hippy but giving it the massage therapist try and warps my reality with her "touch".
Talk about having someone work their magic on ya.
I'm still having panic attacks. Mostly gotten all the "wooly boogers" put back in order. But I still feel like I let my guard down when I should have investigated her by way of client referral. She works for the new chiropractor who took over the practice of my 25 year friendship chiropractor. When I told "new guy" about what had happened, well he sorta apologized but said she only uses space in his offices and he couldn't be held accountable for her. Oh great, that makes me feel so much better about you and her. Bye bye new guy.
So I hope you won't mind that I didn't have any food or favors at this party and that I'm giving you the bums rush now that my "too bad, so sad", little rant is over. But thanks for coming to my party.
But I do have a question. Got any suggestions for waking up in a cold sweat and not being able to catch your breath?
Smooches and Squoozes, if ya still want um,