Wednesday, December 21, 2016

And so it has come to this..........

First let me wish you all a very Happy Yule, Solstice Blessings and salutations of the season to all of you.
Older photo of the grands but......there they are
The Cuckoos planned to sit around the firepit and roast hotdogs and eat black and brown marshmallows but this Olde Bagg's hips are not cooperating with the cold and so we will celebrate around a circle of candles and make do with hot dogs, bbq beans and cookies. So sad, what happens when the organizer of the extravaganza's goes for the comfortable not the traditional. Oh well.

Now to the issue at hand. Ry, my sweeter than sweet, kinder than kind and handsome grandson has had, as all 12 year olds do, a bullying time of it at school. Please do not think, I think he is the only oe. He has close friends, he has people he knows and then he has youngsters who for whatever reason just want to make his life more difficult. The interesting part of all this is that is has little or nothing to do with his Asperger's and more to do with the classroom environment.

Last year he had a male teacher and he learned more how to be a boy than any other subject. At his school, the classes are divided by gender and so the boys and girls of the 7th grade don't have that boy/girl tension that is usual in mixed gender classes. The however is, the boys don't have a male teacher this year. They have two very fussy, prissy female teachers (why yes that is a value call on my part). This means that the boys being boys, like they did last year is the last thing that is tolerated in the classroom. No more going out to the field to let them run off their boyness issues. No more treating them like they are just as valuable even if they can't sit still during some boring lecture. These two ladies also don't allow anyone to go ahead in their studies. Everyone must be on the same page at the same time.

Yes, having been a teacher myself, it is easier to teach if all the kids are in the same place, but let's face it, if that was the case, all of the kids would be automatons. It takes a person who is a real teacher to address the entire spectrum of levels and meet the needs of all of the kids. Something neither of these ladies is willing to try or do.

The reason I am irked is because this environment has brewed up some bad juju for all the boys. The kids were supposed to go to a play but because some of the boys were rough housing (no Ry was not one of those boys, although he could have been) all of them had to miss the play. And the teachers decided they would treat the boys with contempt by acting as though the boys were preschoolers for a week. No, shaming kids does not work, it only revs up the anti teacher, anti student feelings. I don't know where these two women went to school, but it wasn't on planet earth. I'm sure they like their paychecks and power.

So consequently, acting out is a common occurrance in the classroom. Ry, who was behind in math for so long has finally gotten the right size funnel applied to his head by his tutor and he is hungry for doing all the math. Going ahead got him in trouble, called out in class for not following the rules and so did the rest of the class because he went ahead in the book. The others paid the price for his new found love for math. He obviously was set up as a scapegoat and so the boys have continued to push, shove, kick and hit him. And the teachers have turned a blind eye. The principal just wrings her hands and does nothing.

We have always told him not to hit. "Being nice matters", but it doesn't mean that you have doormat written on your forehead. We have tried to talk to the administration, the teachers, the other parents of the boys who bully him and came to this spot in the road. RyLeigh has friends with whom he wants to stay in class. We don't want him to continue to be bullied. The School is not willing to do anything about this situation. So we came to another conclusion.

We have a family friend who, in his youth, was a gangster, literally. He is probably one of the nicest people now that he is grown but oh my the stories he tells of his youth. He loves my grands like they are his flesh and blood. His family is entirely in love with Shelley and the grands and that is so special. He has always told the kids, don't do what I did, listen to your grandparents and your mom and be respectful of them, but more, be respectful of yourself. He also has said, kiddingly, but not really, "once you break someone's nose, the rest of the bunch won't mess with you anymore".

My brother taught me to hit when I was five because the neighbor boy was tormenting me. I have always had a bit of a swagger because I always knew that if I needed to, I could deck someone and that gave me power (well not now that I'm old and not so able, but you know what I mean). So, we went to this family friend and said, teach him how to defend himself, oh wise one. So Ry has learned to defend himself. The lessons will continue with the punching bag and weights during break.

The knowledge is almost a burden to carry for him. But I know, if needed, he can strike back at these 4 boys. I am having him take a card with my cellphone number on it to both his teachers (waste of time) and the principal, so that "when" not if, he hits a kid in self defense, I can go pick him up. I hope that this will help him feel compelled to find hope in himself and move forward even if the school isn't quite up with us as far as wanting the best for him. We don't want to compel him to be a "meanie". We want him to start finding some confidence in himself because in this world we live in, he is the only one that he has on his side when he is not with his family. We all need to learn to count on ourselves and be our own well of confidence.

So here I am at my age watching my grandson find out what a good guy really does. He has the power to be good, do good and choose the right time for both. GK, I don't worry about her, she had it in her from day one to be strong and in control. Ry, like his Oma needed to be taught (why yes, he is my birthday twin).

My grands break my heart and heal it back up again in one moment with the knowledge of what incredibly awesome adults they will become some day. I am so proud. They are and will continue to be the best gift ever.

Happy Everything my lovelies,
May all your wishes come true and
all your problems be few,
Smooches and Squoozes, Oma Linda

14 comments:

  1. Wishing you a joyous season and a successful solution. Ry may carry himself differently after training and they will sense that.

    I was told never to start a fight but to finish it. Den was told to even the odds.

    This will all work out...don't you have a school district so you can go around those who won't help?

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  2. Deep sigh...it is so difficult raising children whether back then or now...Wishing Ry and you all a way to find peace with the educators and kids...even if it's a blow to the nose (for the kids, not the educators, teehee)

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  3. Oh my gosh. It is sad that you have to teach Ry to defend himself but good for you to finally say "Enough! " I have to say, I'm so glad I don't have school aged kids because I would probably be in jail for fighting with the teachers and administrators over crap like this. Hang tough Cuckoos!

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  4. I don't remember bullying being such an issue when I was a kid. I never got into fights, except with my brother. I could always talk my way out of conflicts. I hope your grandson receives the confidence to defend himself, even if he never needs to.

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  5. Wishing Ry all the best and hoping things don't have to come to a fight. But if it does, good that he's prepared.

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  6. It's a good thing that Ry is being taught to defend himself especially in the state of this country now.

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  7. So sorry Ry is going through this. I believe you have given him great advice. Teachers have such an influence, I wish these "ladies" understood the damage they are doing.

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  8. I think Gail has a good point. Ry's self confidence just might be the only deterrent needed. Bullies are not the bravest of souls. Hope the problem stops and am so sorry the school is turning a blind eye.

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  9. Poor kiddo :( You are totally right though... being nice and kind does not mean that you should also be a doormat. Being kind should include being kind to your own self and that includes defending your person. What a bunch of little dinks those bullies are! Hugs to you and the grands.

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  10. Hi Linda, so sorry that Ry is going through this. I think it is best to be prepared. I also wish you were not having trouble with your hips. wishing you all the best this holiday season! hugs!

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  11. Keeping them behind because other kids are behind? Shaming them for being who they are? Who are these idiots pretending to be teachers?

    I am glad Ry will be able to fight if he has to. I hope he never does. I also hope that that punching lessons are coming with a dose (or thirteen) of wisdom.

    May the Winter Solstice bring wonderful things to you and your loves, dear Oma.

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  12. I know exactly what you say....different " teachers" are life lessons in themselves....
    Your family friend has my vote! His wisdom is 100%
    I have handed over the " perfect" in holidays to the young mothers, now I'm " fun" Nana with a grand- daughter on the way in Spring!
    Happy Yuletide wishes dear heart! Be well and joyfilled, huge hug from the North Pole! ❄️☃️🎄🙋👍❤️️🇨🇦

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  13. Those teachers are idiots!
    I am so sorry Ry is going through this! I hope he never has to fight, but I am glad he will be prepared if he has to! I am so thankful for the friend of your family!
    Sending you and your family, including the fur babies, my love, big hugs and many blessings! Happy Winter Solstice!

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  14. Good to hear that Ry is learning - this is so tough that one has to learn to fight, hope he never has to either, but good to know how to defend himself. Too many bullies out there all over the world. Nice to have such friends and family. Way to go Ry and happiness to you all in 2017 and always.

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