I don't apologize for anything that I am about to write. I do however realize that you didn't sign on to be my shrink, so if you're not of a mind to read in on my rantings then, I love you, see you next time.
He also lied with his every breath and took things that didn't belong to him just for the fun of it. I watched in horror as a child when he lied about stealing something in a store and then laughed about it when we got to the car. To say I had no respect for him would be a gross understatement. He was evil.
My fathers paternal family are descendants of the Spaniards who invaded Mexico and then onward to spread their faith into New Mexico. His forefathers were soldiers in the Spanish army. I do not know their heart motives but I do know the results of their actions in the history of the southwest. Native peoples were killed, run out of their homes, and families were torn apart. Several generations later, the pride of the family in their Spanish conquistador roots is a real puzzlement to me. Because of their roots to Spain, these Hispanics look down on those whose ancestors fought against them and also the ones who reconquered this land.
As a matter of fact, that family looks down on anyone who is not a member of that family, and some of us who are. I heard all the horrendous anti humanist catch phrases that can be used to describe other ethnic peoples and never understood how brown folks could look down on other brown folks, white folks, black folks, yellow folks and red folks. And how they could imagine that they were superior to anyone else.
Speaking of Native Peoples, my fathers mother was part Native, but her children and husband never approved of that alternate fact and so it was to be whispered not shared, because then the outside world would not hold this family in the esteem in which they held themselves.
Now come to today, 10 years and 1.5 months from the date of his death and I feel like he is alive. I see what our Predator in Chief has done, said and how arrogant he is, how horribly he treats people and I feel as if my father is there in front of my eyes. My father would be living high on the hog with this evil as President.
I would have been ashamed to admit how much Trump and his cronies are troubling me when I was young because I would have wanted to appear to be an over comer, a strong woman. Well, I am strong to a point, but when this freak show gets worse every day and so much of what I see and feel is the same things I saw and felt most of my life, it really gets to me.
How much longer can this country take his evil? It's only been 10 days and he is destroying who we are as a nation, what we stand for in the world and how we are perceived as a country.
Many people are saying that they have never experienced anything this befuddling and hurtful in their lives. I am happy for them. This is bring back parts of my life that I thought I had healed and put away. I have been this dizzy and disoriented before, looking for sanctuary somewhere else. I have had this ache in my heart, knowing that it hasn't reached a conclusion.
I am very angry and sad.
I need to be safe again.............we all do.
I can't hide in my room and hope that the evil will not come looking for me and I'm scared.