Thursday, August 19, 2010

thinking bout the things that I've done wrong.....from the song Ghosts by Jake Owen

I came to be thinking about the things that I've done wrong because of a post by Patti at The New Sixty

I would love to be able to make amends to those people in my life that I have wronged in whatever way. I even went so far as to make a list. And then act upon it.

Now this does not include folks that I may have said something to or done something that they did not agree with. Their feelings are their own problem. Did that sound harsh? I guess maybe that it is, but it is a reality. We each are responsible for how we allow ourselves to react to what someone else does. The Anger Habit by Semmelroth and Smith has helped me to understand that point. No one else can make me angry. I can't blame anyone else for my actions. I am responsible for me in every way......except....

When someone abuses you, be it physically, emotionally, sexually or financially and they do it to control you then you are not resposible for their actions and should have no guilt for their mis deeds and warped sense of self.

Little statement, big work. Lots of really hard work and it is being done by folks that you may know and not know that they are working......very hard to get on down the road. Be aware that abuse can and does happen to 1 in every 7 children by the time they are 4. That 2 out of every 5 woman have had an abusive relationship, be it marriage, dating, working --physical or sexual attack. Men who have been abused are 67% less likely to share that information than women are.

I am bringing this to your attention not to be preachy but to let you know that in my household, if we use the actual definition of abuse, every person who puts their head on a pillow here to sleep has been abused in one way or another in their lives. Does that shock you? It should. I know you know my story and I thank you for your support.

Also because of (not laying blame) the abuse, each person in my house has anger issues to greater or lesser degrees. But we are ahead of the curve because we are proactive about healing and not reactive to sources. We are all working towards being whole.

If you are angry, do something about it now....don't wait, please. I waited way too long and I have some bad habits that are hard to break. And I feel so much better about me now. I would just like to pass hope along that at any stage of our lives (even Olde Baggs), we can take back control and get better.

So my list has no entries. I don't have any missed opportunities to make something better or get anything communicated to anyone anymore. I am free from my Ghosts.

btw, this song may not be exactly on subject but it does touch on this issue. And besides check out who sings I obsessed with younger, gorgeous men...nah, well maybe, I'm old not dead.


  1. I learned a long time ago that abuse takes many forms but that by holding onto the anger from the abuse only makes a person weaker - by letting go and not continually feeding into the abuser's actions/words you eventually can free yourself and that is a wonderful feeling.

    Unfortunately that is very difficult for children that have been abused and may take them years to overcome it - a loving, supportive home is the best bet.

  2. That picture of that young stud you have up there set my heart to racing and then I remembered I was married. Darn!! :) Yes it is better to voice your thoughts and free yourself of any past hurts. Take care and have a great Friday.

  3. Thank you for a great post. I believe that more people than not have had some sort of abuse in their lives. I know for me that I am a work in progress and will probably always have to work at being the me I want to be.

  4. Yummy pic...brings a pitter patter to the ol' senses...

    Letting go of things is much easier said than done...but a person almost always feels better about themselves and others afterwards...some things a person must just live with...push to the back of your mind...history cannot be changed no matter how much we want to change it...

  5. Oh, you know how I feel about all of this my lovely I needn't go down that long and twisty road here...
    Just know that even though we have been there...we don't need to be there forever...just like you and your family...we can escape the horrible things...even if only for a moment...
    Love you my lovely Linda...even with all our "baggage"...we can still see the beauty in a beautiful bloke eh?
    (Nice pic!)

  6. Thanks for the link Linda.
    I agree with it all and am just so glad that your list has no entries. That is just a great place to be in your life.


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